Please understand that all of the pieces of your life that you wish to put together to provide yourself with a unified narrative of your life will never all fit in. There will always be some pieces of your life that won't fit into that big picture of the way you desire to see yourself and thus will have to be left in the box. Some parts of your life you will never understand and will have to be left as outliers. Why did you do this? Why did you go there? Some of it will never fit into the narrative that you construct of your life.